You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
