plz talk dirty to me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
