So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
