If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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