I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
