Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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