I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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