you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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