I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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