brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
