There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
