He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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