it hurts more in the daytime
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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