The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He better not be in your backpack
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
