Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize