hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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