My room smells like vodka and shame
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
