meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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