We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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