just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I checked into jail on foursquare
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
