Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
