is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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