Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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