All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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