There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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