Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
