I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
time to smoke my breakfast
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
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