I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
