dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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