Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
