Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
