I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
