Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
