His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
