Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
