sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
