drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
