Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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