guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
