i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
