When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
