she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This girl is more easily done than said...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
jump out the window naked night went bad
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