sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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