i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
