Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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