Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
