I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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