my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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