I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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