Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
