vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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