Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
