My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
