I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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