I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
