doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
